The Jell-O Bath
I’m not sure where I got the idea for the Jell-O bath.
This was back in 1981 or 1982, so it isn’t like I got the idea off the Internet. Mud is so much easier to put together for wrestling events featuring scantily-clad women — and mud sticks better so, it would seem to be a better thing to have women wrestle in if, you know, you were hoping to attract a bunch of guys to watch women wrestle in something. And mud just looks hotter on a woman — sort of clingy, whereas Jell-O would bead up and roll off. The point being, that it isn’t like I was driving around and saw a big sign for Jell-O wrestling.
So, I didn’t get it from the Internet. Not from some sort of ad featuring Jell-O wrestling. Most likely not from any Kraft Foods’ literature (but who knows?).
Anyway, at some point I thought putting together a Jell-O bath would be a good idea. In all fairness, I thought it would be a great idea. (And this was back in the day before bitchin’ and kick-ass were used to describe ideas … so great was about as good as it got.)
And, naturally, being a guy in my early 20’s, I thought I would be an even better idea to have female companionship while in the tub of Jell-O. After all, a guy in a bathtub full of Jell-O is just odd; a guy and a girl in a tub of Jell-O is, well, the type of thing a blog entry is made of.
So, I started collecting Jell-O. I couldn’t buy a big bunch all at once as it’s kind of expensive — or it seemed expensive at the time — so I’d get a packet or several each time I was at the Oxford Kroger.
I was buying Lime flavored. I don’t remember why. I don’t think it was a flavor-related thing — eating the Jell-O was never part of the larger plan.
We’ll stop there for today.
(I know that seems like an abrupt stop, but as I typed this, I sort of heard that last line — eating the Jell-O was never part of the larger plan — being read with a bit of a thoughtful pause applied to it. As if it were something that, while extremely obvious, still needed to be said. If you failed to apply a thoughtful pause to that line, I suggest you go back and give it another read. Your day will feel more complete for it.)
