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Nov
28

I’m a golfing Mo-Fo

written by Maurice

This is an e-mail I sent, a while back, to a buddy of mine with whom I used to golf. This guy saw me crank balls off clubs at impossible angles. If I was on the lip of a water hazard that was 10 yards long I’d bang the ball 5 yards into the small pond.

One of my favorite memories is of having several of my buddies standing behind me at the tee box, encouraging me to tee off. Two women were walking down the side of the fairway toward us and I was hesitating as I was afraid I’d hit them. the closer they got, the greater the angle became and the harder it would be for me to hit them. Finally, tired of hearing my buddies bitch, like Merrill, I swung away. The ball took flight about one inch off the ground and made a beeline for the women. As one, the group behind me jumped up and screamed “fore.” One of the women had to jump to keep from losing an ankle.

* * *

Joe,

I golfed this past Saturday and actually shot par. Maybe one or two under for the front nine. On a real course. One of my drives was 275 yards and straight. Most of my drives were very good and long. Toward 16 and 18 I sort of dug the driver into the ground and had shitty shots. But I was beat by that point … we’d been up until 4:30 a.m. playing cards and having beer Sunday night.

I should probably mention I was part of a scramble.

BUT … I had a really good game and we used a fair number of my shots. I made some long putts that almost dropped and when they didn’t they were about even with the cup — that is, they didn’t blow by the hole.

One drive, the one we know was 275, there was a group of slow moving gals in front of us. They seemed far enough away. When I hit the ball fear sort of swept through all of us. It came up just a little short of them.

I was using some sort of big black driver Bob had. Adams something … maybe 460 grams with some sort of offset; I recall it had Tungsten weighting which provided a low, deep center of gravity, better launch angle and higher MOI. When Bob suggested I use it I explained I couldn’t hit drivers very well … and then I cranked it. Nobody was more surprised than I.

Some of the others guys had good shots too, but screw them. This is about me me me.

I shot across water like it wasn’t even there, using my freebie irons. I never went into the sand.

One of my putts was so long and so almost in that, I swear, I started getting an erection the closer it got to the cup. I’m not kidding.

* * *

Oh, the bit about center of gravity and MOI I got from the Adams Golf site. I don’t really know what MOI is. It took me a second to figure out that CG was center of gravity.

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I am married to the most wonderful woman in the world.

My wife and I have more teenagers than you'd think a couple could possibly have and maintain their sanity. They keep us very busy and the time my wife and I have alone is not as much as we'd like. As I'd prefer to spend that time with her doing things other than droning on about my oddball notions, or stupid things I've done as a kid, I put them here.

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